What to do when a couple freezes
Cheryl Kitchener runs Unscripted, who are with us in València this October. We asked her for something a photographer could use on a Saturday rather than an advert for her app.
You know the moment.
Twenty minutes into golden hour. You’ve walked them out to the light you scouted that morning. And they stop. Arms hanging. Eyes on you. Waiting.
Someone in that couple has just remembered they’re being photographed. Now they’re both standing there like they’re queuing for something.
Most of the photographers we talk to have a complicated relationship with the word posing. Plenty of them say ‘I don’t pose’ the way other people say ‘I don’t eat meat.’ Fair enough. Nobody got into this work to arrange hands.
The freeze happens anyway. And when it does, ‘just be natural’ is the least useful sentence in the English language.
Why couples lock up
They’re not bad at being photographed. They’ve run out of things to do with their bodies and nobody has told them what comes next.
Think about what’s been asked of them. Two people who’ve never been professionally photographed, walked away from everyone they know, camera pointed at them, silence. Of course they’ve gone stiff. Most of us would.
What loosens it is giving them something to do. Not a position to hold. A thing to do, with a start and a finish.
A position versus a task
‘Put your hand on her waist and look at me’ is a position. They’ll hold it. It’ll look held.
‘Walk to that gate, and when you get there, tell her one thing you’re looking forward to tonight’ is a task. Beginning, middle, end. It occupies their brains, and somewhere in the middle of it they stop thinking about you.
Occupy their attention with something that isn’t the camera. That’s most of the craft.
Five prompts that keep working
One
Movement before anything else
‘Walk towards me, slowly, and don’t stop when you get here.’ Walking solves hands, weight, and awkward eye contact in one move. If a couple has locked up, get them moving before you try to fix anything else.
Two
Give them something to say
‘Tell him what you thought when you saw him this morning.’ ‘Whisper something you’d be embarrassed for me to hear.’ That second one produces a real laugh far more often than it doesn’t, and real laughs look nothing like performed ones.
Three
Touch with a purpose
‘Fix his collar.’ ‘Put your forehead on her shoulder and breathe for a second.’ Ask someone to hold their partner and they’ll pose. Ask them to fix a collar and they’ll touch each other properly.
Four
Something to press against
A wall, a doorframe, a tree, the side of a car. People who have somewhere to put their weight stop hovering. It’s why so many good couple frames happen in doorways.
Five
Ask about the other person
‘What’s she like first thing in the morning?’ At that point you’ve stopped directing and started talking, and they answer with their faces.
None of these mention where an elbow goes. Direct the situation and let the bodies sort themselves out.
Most of this is decided before you arrive
The freeze is largely preventable, and the prevention happens days earlier.
Send a questionnaire before the shoot and ask something that tells you who they are. Not just timings and family group lists. Ask how they feel about being photographed. Ask who’s the more outgoing one. Ask whether they’d rather have people around or be somewhere quiet.
The answers change everything you’ll say to them.
The introverted couple
They’ll freeze under a prompt that asks them to perform. Give them stillness instead. Quiet, close, private tasks. Whisper something. Stand with your foreheads together and don’t move. Walk somewhere out of sight of the guests. Fewer instructions, longer pauses, and let them settle.
The extroverted couple
They’ll find that same stillness excruciating. They want a challenge. Dance badly. Race each other to the gate. Pick her up if you can manage it. They’ll happily be silly, and they’ll be disappointed if you don’t ask them to be.
Photograph the outgoing couple with the introvert’s prompts and you’ll get boredom. Do it the other way round and you’ll get panic. Both look the same in the back of the camera: a couple waiting for you to say something else.
Build your list, don’t write it out
Once you know who you’re photographing, pick your prompts.
Ten to fifteen is plenty. You won’t use them all. On a good day you’ll use two. But on the day when the light’s going and your head is empty, having something to reach for beats having nothing.
And if it still happens
Sometimes a couple has had a hard morning and none of it lands.
Stop directing. Walk them somewhere else, ask about something unrelated to the wedding, and shoot while they answer. Some of the best frames photographers show us came from the gap right after they’d given up on getting anything.
At a wedding you can always wait, too. The day will hand you something better than you could have asked for. Direction is for the twenty minutes when it won’t.
About Unscripted
The twenty minutes is what we built it around
There are 50,000 poses and prompts in the app, sortable by moment and mood. Favourite the ones that suit a couple the night before, then pull them up one-handed on your phone while you’re standing in the field.
The questionnaire lives in the same app, so what they told you about themselves and what you’re about to ask them sit side by side. No notebook, no screenshots buried in your camera roll.
Free to try. Search Unscripted in your app store, or visit unscriptedphotographers.com.
Unscripted is a partner of Way Up North València, 13 & 14 October 2026.
